Face Booking to The Death


Death on Facebook
Is Facebook The New Cemetery?

In the age of social media, the death of a Face Book user presents several concerns. The proper etiquette has not been yet established and leaves friends and family members questioning what the proper approach is. As the Face Book is accessible around the world, the phenomenon occurs all over the globe. According to Huffington Post, 30 million people who opened Face Book accounts have since past away.

The profile of abandoned accounts can be approached by several methods.
• The death is never reported to Face Book, and the account remains open, therefore available to post comments, ads and photo tags.
• The account can be switched to “memorial page” once the death is reported to Face Book staff. Local obituary or death certificate is required for the account to be switched to a different timeline.
• Immediate family members are able to file a petition to close the account, but will be required to forward a proof of relationship with the deceased.
• Court appointed access may be granted to continue the account allowing the members to post condolences, pictures and comments about the life of the diseased in a tasteful manner.

Facebook Casket
Looks So Natural!

In 2009, Face Book revised its policy about the deceased members and allows the family, colleagues and friends to interact with the page as if it was active. However, the feature of public search is deactivated and only available to existing Face Book participants. The memories can be shared, and the comments in regards to past posts can be addressed.

If the individual’s page has to be memorialized, the existing members will not be able to leave messages other then condolences and comments. The automated app activity will also be disconnected. All inappropriate content will be removed, and status updates of sensitive nature may be deleted at the discretion of the Face Book staff.

If close family members choose to deactivate the profile of the diseased, the Face Book will most likely comply and honor the request. However, many family members choose to keep the profile as an online headstone where all people who were associated with the deceased can still visit and interact by posting their comments. Many Face Book members often share their private lives with the world, and their profile serves as a testament of their life’s accomplishments. Existing members can visit and pay tribute to the person they used to admire, love and stay in constant contact with.

For many people, Face Book has become a vehicle to vent their feelings and interact without the actual personal contact. The safety of the Internet allows the individuals to express their true feeling and grieve when their admired friends demise. It also allows the existing members to connect with each other and share their grief, life experiences and memories connected to the deceased. If the page remains unchanged, the profile may appear in Sponsored Stories and Face Book Suggestions creating painful remainders that the owner of the profile is no longer among the living. As the birthdays reappear annually, people send birthday wishes unaware the member has passed on.

Digital cemeteries are built around the memories of cherished loved ones. Face Book has become a natural way for people to grieve and keep the identity of a deceased person alive. The virtual space allows other people to show how deeply they are affected. However, may people feel that once the individual is gone, the Face Book profile should be deleted permanently not allowing anybody to display their emotions. The topic is highly subjective and delicate, and it is creating controversy among all users of the Face Book world. For many people, social network is a comfortable way to express their feelings while others find it distasteful and disrespectful.

Methods of mourning greatly differ across many cultures. What seems appropriate to some individuals may not be accepted by others. Expression of grief is highly personal, and it may be displayed differently in cyber society and physical world. Some users mistake the Face Book for the real grief counseling and try to deal with the loss of a loved one in their own way by showing their denial or depression on the pages of the Internet. They also look for confirmation of their grief from other members.

Dieing on FacebookAs the subject remains extremely controversial, legal battles have taken place to access the profiles of the deceased in search of answers. In the U.S., the laws greatly vary from state to state. Property rights without any physical substance are difficult to transfer as the legal system is still in its infancy stages of determining such transfers. The Face Book policy clearly states that the accounts cannot be transferred without a written permission. Transferring the account to the next of kin still remains an unsolved mystery.

The copyright laws and inconsistent state laws make the transfer of a Face Book account to a descendant difficult. In some cases the access is granted. The terms of service are not specific and confusion still exists as some of the Face Book accounts contain sensitive information and data. Digital legacy management agencies have been created to aid with the issue. Members can create emails to be delivered upon their demise and can designate recipients of their choice. Online arrangements and cremation services may be also included in addition to funeral planning.

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Stupid Questions To Ask Your Funeral Director Friend

Your Right its All True.....

As a funeral director for over twenty years I have become pretty jaded to  the weird and basically stupid questions that people ask. If you’re in the funeral biz then you know exactly what I’m talking about. After all most professionals are asked questions that take thought and consideration in hopes that you may lend some educated advice or insight into your area of expertise. Instead funeral professionals are constantly called on to dispel myths and urban legends of bodies sitting up and hair and finger nails growing.

Your first few years you are ready and armed with text book facts that will dispel such interesting questions. Like actually the skin just dehydrates around the nails and causes them to appear to get longer….. BORING!  Now your some kind of  Mort the geek. Continue on and explain how hard it is even for the living to sit up and how ridicules the question is because of how many muscles working in harmony  it would take for something as inanimate as the dead to rise up! and now chicks will really start to dig you….NOT! So after a few years of breaking myths and popping bubbles it becomes quite boring so you start shrugging off the questions and changing the subject….Boring! again not winning over any friends here.

Now that I am a well seasoned funeral director and have heard just about all of it, I am starting to understand how these bizarre urban myths and questions that pry deep into my deviant sexual tendencies have become the gotta know questions of the week. “It’s much more fun to lie”.

Just Three Days Growth OMG!

Yeah that’s right! I can now explain in great depth as why it continually blows my mind that so many bodies actually sit up and how freaky it is that their nails grow so freaking fast you would think us embalmers were injecting miracle grow. Once I get a feel for how gullible my stupid friends are I can start creating some of my own myths that will surly intrigue even my most ghoulish of acquaintances. One of my favorites was how back in mortuary school we would connect electrodes to the bottoms of their feet using a car battery and how easy it was to actually get the bodies to laugh and chuckle so loud we had to shut all the door so others in the building couldn’t hear all the commotion. If this one keeps the questions coming I can lay it on so thick that eventually even my really twisted ghoul friends will soon realize I am completely full of shit and they will feel like the inconsiderate dumb asses they  truly are!

Its got to be really loud!

Did you know that if you put a speaker up to the dead’s ear and crank it really load you can get the eyes to open and close!

Here are some of the classics stupid questions as well as some new ones shared from my funeral friends

At least you client don’t talk back to you
Must be pretty cool driving around in those fancy cars all day
Nobody care if your late for work
I hear that smoking embalming fluid is really great
Do you ever get any hot chicks on your slab
Do you ever get grossed out
Have you had to work with any good accident victims

There’s more and many that are just unmentionable. Lets here some of your curiosities below and I will honestly try to answer them.

I see dead people and have embalmed about 3000 of the faithfully departed. Don’t believe me? Smell my fingers!

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Nancy Burban Interviews Jeff Staab on the Greening of Cremation

Nancy Burban: It is my pleasure to interview Jeff Staab, a funeral director for over 20 years and a renowned cremation solutions specialist. He is also the owner of www.lifetreefarm.com , a provider of green cremation products and services to funeral homes. For the past 20 years, Jeff has been the leading authority on scattering ashes.

Jeff Staab: Thank you, Nancy for chatting with me about green cremation products and scattering of ashes.

Nancy: We’ve been friends for many years and since we are both very invested in “green burials” and now “green cremation”, it made sense to ask you what you see on the horizon for both cremation and the greening of cremation.

Jeff: Let’s start with cremation. Cremation is the fastest growing disposition in the death care industry, not only in the USA, but worldwide. Over 43% of the population in the USA is now being cremated and over 50% in Canada. In some states like California, the numbers are approaching 70%.

Nancy: Why are some states like California so high?

Jeff: Two big reasons come to mind. First the high cost of burial plots in California. You can spend anywhere from $7,000 -$15,000 in some areas. That’s before the cost of a funeral. Second, many people are living longer and selling their burial plots to be able to afford food and shelter.

Nancy: A third reason is also because many people are eco-friendly. That is also a big factor in the new natural cremation aka alkaline hydrolysis growing in demand.

Jeff: Yes, absolutely. I cremation takes the focus off the body and let’s people focus more on the life. It also gives the family more time to create a more personalized event that reflects more on the unique qualities of the life lived.

Nancy: Jeff, you are undoubtedly the go to person for both cremation and memorialization. Can you share what new trends that you are seeing nationwide?

Jeff: With the combination of Baby Boomers seeking personalization and the eco-friendly green movement, we are seeing more and more survivors turning to nature to connect with life and each other. In fact in a poll was conducted by The Wirthlin Report and  when people were asked to choose a memorial, the #1 choice was a living memorial such as a tree. Trees not only mark a life well lived, they also create a space of comfort and healing. Recent studies have shown that patients in hospital rooms with a view of trees heal faster and school children learn better when exposed to green spaces. Trees help us to experience our natural heritage and connect with our deeply held spiritual and cultural values.

Nancy: That’s very interesting. Are these trees given at visitation or a celebration?

Jeff: Funeral Directors can  offer living trees to client families for their families and to share with those in attendance, as a way of remembering and memorializing the decedent’s life. When a living tree is not practical, alternatives are available like seed packets or a tree planting program. It’s a beautiful, eco-friendly, green product with the personalization that families appreciate and treasure.

Nancy: Jeff, you are also a big advocate of scattering. Are there any new trends in this area?

Jeff: Yes, I have been working with a company out of Israel who offer a unique service in which families can send their loved one’s cremains, or part of the cremains to the Holy Land, where Jesus lived and have them professionally scattered in a protected, sacred garden.  It’s called Holyland Ash Scattering It’s a very spiritual type of celebration. Families receive a DVD of the ceremony & a numbered certificate of scattering.

Nancy: That seems like a beautiful way to deal with families who are conflicted about cremation. Send your loved ones back to the birth of civilization.  Can the loved ones visit the site?

Jeff: Yes, you can visit the site and pilgrimages to the Holy Land are life changing. The families can also watch the DVD on the one year anniversary if they cannot visit the Holy Land.

Nancy: What other trends are you seeing with cremation?

Jeff: Cremation jewelry is increasing. Jewelry that holds the loved one’s ashes or Fingerprint jewelry which is jewelry made from a fingerprint etched in silver and gold are popular. You can even get a cremation diamonds and cremation crystals made from a loved one’s ashes.

There are also some beautiful wooden urns and ceramic urns which are a work of art that are becoming popular. Personalization is the commonality. Baby Boomers want memorialization.

Nancy: So, the prevailing theme is eco- friendly, green and personalization?

Jeff: Especially with cremation. People want ceremonies. They want to leave a part of themselves behind to be remembered.

First a Scattering Urn, Then a Birdhouse!

For example, Birdhouse Memorial Urns are starting to catch on. They’re designed to enhance the memorialization process and stimulate ceremony for families who choose to scatter the ashes of their loved ones. Death care experts have often say that families who choose to scatter, should either mark the location of the ashes with a memorial or when that is not possible have a memorial placed close to home. It is important for the grief process to have a focal point where survivors may come to reflect and hold on to precious memories.

Nancy: Bird Houses? They’re beautiful but how does that work?

Jeff: Well, they are elegant enough to be displayed during any part of the funeral process and functional in the way they are easily able to disburse the earthly remains back into nature.

After the ashes are scattered the urn converts into a fully functional, beautiful birdhouse. They provide a lasting tribute as a true Living Memorial.

Nancy: Great idea, especially for the many “Birders” and nature lovers who are seeking unique ways to scatter their cremains. So, let’s go full circle and discuss scattering. Is it becoming the new trend?

Scattering AshesJeff: Finally!  I have been advocating scattering for many years and now scattering is the fastest growing disposition of cremated remains. It is now the #1 choice compared to other options. Those that choose to scatter are having a higher satisfaction rate than those that choose other options. I estimate that over 50% of those being cremated are now scattering. According to the Wirthlin Report up to 59% of interviewed in a recent poll said they prefer scattering. From exotic locales like Bali or Tahiti to the Grand Canyon to the San Francisco Bridge to the Holy Land, everyone has an idea of where their final resting place would be & that’s where they want to be scattered.

Nancy: Thank you Jeff for sharing your insights to cremation, scattering and some of the new trends out there.

Jeff: It’s been my pleasure. If anyone wants to know more about the new trends or about the ones I spoke about, they can find me on Facebook. I would be happy to discuss this exciting topic. Please check out and “Like” my Facebook page Click Here

Reach Nancy Burban at nburban@sbcglobal.net

http://www.facebook.com/NancyBurban

She’d love to hear your feedback.

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Here are Some Great Resources For Funeral Professionals

Resources for Funeral Professionals

Happy Holidays From
Cremation Solutions