A Message From Mom In Heaven

My dearest child,

Mother in HeavenAs Mother’s Day approaches, I find myself missing you more than ever. It’s been a long time since I last heard the pitter patter of little feet running down the hallway to wake me up with breakfast in bed, felt your sticky kisses on my cheeks, and the enjoyed Mother’s Day brunches with the whole family. I wish I could still hold your homemade cards, read your Kindergarten print words, and spend the day with you wrapped up in my arms. Mother’s Day will always be special, but it means the most when it can be spent with the ones you love. As your mother, I would give anything to spend one more Mother’s Day on earth, by your side.

I Miss You Too Mommy

I Miss You Too Mommy

Heaven may be full of indescribable wonders, but it’s missing the most important thing in life: my beautiful child. I spent the best years of my life raising you, watching you enter the world, guiding you through movement and speech, and saying a heartbreaking goodbye on your first day of school. I watched with tears in my eyes as the bus left every morning, and felt my heart leap into my throat when you came bursting through the door each afternoon. I spent long days in the kitchen baking treats and preparing your favorite meals, and long nights reading stories, fetching glasses of water, and nursing bruises and boo boos. And I didn’t do these things because I had to; I did them because I wanted to, because I wanted to give you every advantage in the world.

After a while, you got older. You stopped wanting snuggles in the morning and cuddles at bedtime. You made friends, developed hobbies, and learned independence. I missed the time we spent together, but I was so proud of the person you were becoming. Your high school graduation, your college degree, you first real job, and your wedding; all of these days were among the happiest of my life.

It was so hard to say goodbye, and I regret every day that I had to leave you. I know that being an adult doesn’t mean being able to live without a parent; it means having to live without one, whether you want to or not. Even when you were old enough to move out, get married, and settle down, there was nothing I wouldn’t have done to make the burdens of adulthood easier for you. I hope I was able to teach you everything you need to thrive in the world rather than to simply survive. I hope I was able to show you how much power love carries with it, and how joyous making sacrifices can be when they are for the sake of someone you love.

If I could have a Mother’s Day wish, it would be to spend one more day with you. I would plan something special for us to celebrate your own parenthood and the amazing person you have become. I would listen to the details of your life, both big and small, sharing in your triumphs and comforting you in your failed attempts. For just one more minute with you, I would do anything.

Mother MonumentPlease know that even though I am gone from the world, I am still with you. I am always watching, celebrating silently when the good things come to pass and rooting for you through the challenges. I am watching my beautiful grandchildren grow and develop, watching your love for your spouse deepen, and hoping with all of my heart that I could experience your life right by your side. I am so proud of everything you have done so far, and every major milestone yet to come.

On this Mother’s Day, I will miss you so much. And when you miss me, remember that I am forever a jewel in your heart. My love, strength, and support will aways be there when you need it most.

Love from heaven,

Your mother

Cremation Jewelry To Hold Ashes

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When Dogs Grieve We Cry

Dog GriefLosing a dog is always difficult for the owner, but it can be equally hard on the household’s canine companions. According to Dr. Sophia Yin, a San Francisco-based veterinarian and applied animal behaviorist, grief is one of the basic emotions dogs experience, just like people. And just like people, dogs will react differently to the loss of their loved ones. In some cases, dogs recover quickly and do not grieve at all. It all depends on the animal’s individuality. The loss of another dog means the loss of a constant companion of whom the dog was accustomed to daily. As a result, there is a drastic change in the dog’s routine causing him/her to feel disoriented and distressed.

Losing a Dog Friend
Indie and Katie were quite an unusual couple, but they were as close as ever. They spent each day together and were fond of each other. On many occasions, Katie would sleep on Indy’s back at night, her four-pound body rising and falling with his snores. Unfortunately, at age 14, Indy’s health deteriorated and had to be put to sleep (euthanasia). The usually sweet Katie was devastated opting to isolate, refusing to eat, acting nasty and urinating all over the house. It was all too clear that this attention-seeking behavior was a way to express her grief.

Another heartbreaking story is told of Bella the Dog, who refused to leave the side of his companion Beavis the Beaver even after her furry friend had passed away. He lay there sad and confused hoping his friend would wake up.

Signs of Grief

Miss You...

Miss You…

A study from the ASPCA found that two-thirds of dogs show recognizable signs of grieving, such as a decrease in appetite, less barking, clinginess, and lethargy. Others will sleep longer than usual or show a lack of interest in taking walks, playing or participating in their favorite activities. Apart from the decrease in social interaction, some dogs may pace around tirelessly looking for their loved ones.

For those with a couple of the furry friends in their households, it is common to see some pecking order established among them signifying the structure of the park hierarchy. When one of the dogs dies, let’s say the dominant one, the remaining pets role is ill-defined and may act confused for a while before adjusting to the change.

According to The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, 36 percent of dogs ate less than usual after the death of another canine companion. About 11 percent stopped eating altogether. About 63 percent of the grieving dogs vocalized more than normal or became quieter. Study respondents indicated that surviving dogs changed the quantity and location of sleep, with most preferring to sleep at their lost companion’s spots. More than half the surviving pets became more affectionate and clingy with their caregivers as a way of demanding attention. Overall, the study revealed that 66 percent of dogs exhibited four or more behavioral changes after losing a pet companion.

Loss of a Human Companion
Dogs grieve over their fallen masters as well, and their plenty of stories to support this view. Pictures of dogs grieving their human companions have gone viral on several occasions with some sitting on their master’s graveside, perhaps waiting for his return. A photograph of a brown Labrador retriever named Hawkeye lying beside the American flag-draped casket of his human companion, Navy SEAL Jon Tumilson, went viral on the internet. Tumilson was one of the American soldiers killed by a rocket-propelled grenade on August 6th, 2011. When one of Tumilson’s friend went ahead to address the mourners, Hawkeye followed him and lay down in front of the casket for the rest of the service. The moving picture showed that the heartbroken dog represented a possibility that there’s more to our pets’ psychology than has ever been recognized.

A similar story is told of a dog named Hachikō, remembered for his remarkable loyalty to his owner which continued for many years after his owner’s death. Hachikō’s master, Professor Ueno suffered a brain hemorrhage and died on his way home. However, Hachikō waited for his owner, each day at the usual time at Shibuya Station in Tokyo, Japan seemingly awaiting his return for almost ten years. It was evident that the dog was finding it difficult to cope with the absence of his master. The Japanese people recognized the dog’s remarkable act of loyalty and he became a national sensation. Though some may argue that Hachikō’s behavior was a mere ritual, others might recognize it as grief. Many of us have witnessed animals’ grief when they lose their loved ones, and their behavior speaks louder on their untold suffering and loneliness.

imgres-2What goes on in a dog’s head when a loved one dies can be compared to what happens in the mind of a very young child of between two to five years. Children do not comprehend that the life functions of their loved ones have hit an inevitable end, and this is reflected in the questions they ask as they try to understand the situation. Children will ask questions like, ‘ Will daddy come for my birthday?’, ‘Should we put grandma’s favorite cookie in the coffin in case she is hungry?’ Just like children do not have the concept of the permanence of death, dogs also stay hopeful that their loved ones will return as evidenced by Hachikō.

When one dog in a multi-dog household is gravely ill, it may help for the healthier dogs to be present during euthanasia, or at least for the animal to see the deceased dog’s body, says Dr. Pachel. This way, the dog can have closure rather than being left searching for its companion long after it’s gone. Like in Hawkeye’s case, having an opportunity to lie near the casket of his deceased owner, if it’s a possible scenario, may help the dog to understand the process better.

How to Deal with the Loss
Sorrow and grief are natural responses to death and owners should not feel like they need to shield themselves or their children from the sadness of losing a pet by either not talking about the pet’s death, or by not being honest about what happened. The stress of losing a beloved pet can be emotionally draining thus the need to look after your emotional and physical needs. Talk about it whenever you can and give yourself time to grieve in your own way. Other ways to help you cope with the loss of a pet in a healthy way include;

Reaching out to others who have lost pets
Find someone who lost a beloved pet as they are in a position of relating and understanding what you are going through. It can be done by checking out online message boards, pet loss hotlines, and pet loss support groups. Such forums can give you helpful advice that will facilitate your healing process.

Seeking professional help when necessary
The American Psychological Association assures us of human resilience, recommending the help of mental health professionals if needed, to help deal with grief. If your grief becomes constant and gets in the way of normal functioning, you might consider getting the help of a professional.

Maintaining the routine for the remaining pets
Stick to your pet’s usual routine by keeping regular meal schedules, walk times, play times etc. Don’t rush into adopting another animal for your surviving animal companions’ sake. They need time to grieve, too, and introducing a new family member too soon may cause more stress. If you eventually choose to get another pet, try to pick one that will fit in with your remaining pet, when the time is right. If you feel your dog needs other canine companions, but aren’t ready for another pet yet, try the dog park, a doggy play date with a friend that has dogs or book a training class for your pet.

Time heals
Just like with human grief, it all gets better with time. Each animal mourns for a different period, and so do humans. Some get over it sooner while others take a while to bounce back. Be patient with your dog as most dogs will come out of their grieving process and form new attachments within a few weeks or months. It’s important to monitor your pet closely paying attention to other forms of illnesses that may not be necessarily grief.

Caring for your pet and helping him through his grief is a rewarding experience that can also assist you and other family members with the healing process. Engage your pets in activities like a walk in the park, a ride in the car, a soothing brush or a game of fetch. This will help strengthen the bond and allow for an easier transition process.

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What Funeral Directors Should Worry About Part II

Funeral Director Last month, I asked thousands of Funeral Professionals what they worried about the most. I received a very low response rate, which is typical for funeral professionals as they usually don’t participate in the destiny of their own industry. I did get a general idea of what they worry about. They seem to worry about the day to day challenges of planning a funeral and disposition. To can see their responses (Click Here).  What did surprise me is that no one worries about the actual funeral ceremony itself. They worried about the scheduling and logistics, such as the officiant and the organist showing up. As far as the funeral being a personable and healing experience to those attending…no one seems to worry about this at all! It seems strange to me that people called funeral directors rarely get involved in the funeral ceremony itself. Long ago funeral directors gave that responsibility to the clergy. The general public, driven by an aging boomer generation, no longer see the value of the traditional clergy <insert name here>, and their two thousand year old funeral rituals. Go figure?

No Value FuneralsThe devaluation of the funeral experience is what funeral professionals should be worried about the most. As a funeral director, our greatest contribution should be creating a healing environment where people can come together for a memorable experience. The experience should promote those in attendance to support one another in their grief. The life of the deceased is the star and the overall theme is how that person’s life affected their world and the world of others. Since we have dropped the ball on this aspect of funerals, we have created a snowball effect of new things to worry about such as: Cremation Societies popping up in each and every town; Funeral and event planners working directly with hotels and catering halls because they can do it better themselves; and the price shoppers oh my!


 "The New Enemy"

“The New Enemy”

Funeral Directors have created a new enemy by not paying attention to the needs of the families they serve, and their desire to have a positive funeral experience. The new enemy of the funeral is the word “JUST”! As in just cremate me and scatter my ashes in the garden. Just bury me in a plain pine box and have a party in my memory down at the club house. Hospice did such a great job and we already said our goodbyes so we won’t need a funeral service. We joined a cremation society so no funeral home is going to get my money! Does this sound familiar? The good news is that the general public is more spiritual then ever and really do want to have a memorable event. They just don’t want a funeral like the last three that they attended. So I’m not sitting here flapping my lips about the self inflicted gloom and doom of the funeral industry. Instead I will provide a solution. The solution is to take the control of the funeral away from the Clergy! Don’t worry about offending the clergy since they aren’t helping your business. You can still use clergy as required, but we need to take control of the funeral ceremony and become funeral planners instead of merely being the director of logistics. How funerals are experienced and how they make people feel is everything. Your future depends on it so become a part of it! For me the number one solution to the public’s disenchantment of funerals is the use of Certified Funeral Celebrants. They are trained in creating meaningful and personal celebrations of life that will leave those in attendance (your future clients) saying WOW! That’s the kind of funeral I want! There is no better form of advertising than doing “Good Funerals”.

Jeff Staab

Funeral Director/Author Jeff Staab

 As a funeral director with over twenty years of experience, I can tell you that we already have enough to worry about. As I mentioned in the proceeding blog post (What Funeral Directors Worry About), we tend burn out pretty fast as far as professions go. One solution is for funeral home operators to hire high quality non-licensed personnel to manage the everyday details that the Funeral Directors are typically tasked with. That way the Funeral Directors can focus on the big picture of running the funerals and growing the overall reputation of the funeral home, by turning out high quality funerals that people will remember. Unlike Clergy, Funeral Celebrants are trained to work with funeral homes and support the funeral homes that they work with. Funeral homes that are already regularly using and advertising the use of Celebrants have seen their rate of pre-arranged funerals increase by as much as 20%. This is an unexpected bonus and a healthy direction, instead of seeing the shrinking business that so many funeral homes are now experiencing.


Creative Funerals

So what I am saying is hire forward thinking-creative minded Funeral Directors that focus on the funeral experience for the client and their family and friends. Disenchanted, unmotivated, and lazy order taking funeral directors with no creativity Need Not Apply! Having strong communication skills and being “A Good Listener” will help to establish a more sharing and involved consumer that will really get the creative juices flowing.

Getting Creative!

Getting Creative!

The funeral home that partners with Celebrants will be growing their brand and will be positively shared by the word of mouth within the community. By the way, word of mouth is now social media and if you aren’t online being involved in the online conversations, then attending all of those Chamber & Rotary meetings is a complete waste of your time and money. If you don’t have the time or the staff at your funeral home to maintain an online social media presence, then you can hire professionals to maintain and grow your funeral homes social network. I would recommend entrusting the team over at Disrupt Media to manage your funeral homes online social reputation and presence.

So how can we do better funerals? That is what Funeral Directors should be worried about! With that in mind, I would love to hear more ideas on how can we create a more memorable and personable funeral experience. Open the flood gates that are holding back your ideas and share!

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What Funeral Directors Worry About

In the funeral business, everything is in the details. Unlike a wedding which people often plan for months and sometimes for years, a funeral arrives suddenly and will require some hurried and frantic planning and scheduling. Pre-planning funerals helps but since we can’t always predict or schedule death, many of the details for a funeral or memorial service are quickly arranged by the surviving family members under the guidance of a funeral director. Getting all of the details right rest on the shoulders, mind, experience, and reputation of the funeral director. This is why funeral directors WORRY A LOT!

Funeral Guy

I Hope My Dick Doesn’t Fall Off

For many funeral directors the worry becomes far too much for them to handle. Many funeral directors won’t last more than five years before burning out and seek another profession. It’s not only the worry but also the personal dedication and commitment to a business that is 24 -7-365. It is disruptive to your family and social life. Funeral directors have to arrange and schedule everything in a matter of hours for a major life event! For me personally the 20 years was a bit too long. By then I was drinking like a fish. The chest pains stopped the day after I quit!

I recently asked a group of funeral directors what they worry about the most and here are their responses:

-“Flowers, grave digger, vault company, printers, obituaries, cosmetics, weather, music, ministers, permits, paperwork, families, friends, and just about everything.”


-“I would definitely think one of the biggest things we worry about is getting everything perfect and every little detail. Also making sure that the family’s last image of their loved one is one that won’t haunt them.”


-“I always worry about what I can do the nights that I’m on call. It seems that we limited ourselves sometimes socially. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve had to miss holidays and parties and nights where my friends go out because I’m on call. Granted, that is a selfish thing to worry about. But I don’t think the general public knows about that side of being a funeral director.”


-“I worry about my kids dying. I worry about me dying. I worry about when my kids die and the funeral home doesn’t take care of them with dignity. I guess that’s not really relevant for your public info, just sharing.”

-“Will I find a job after my apprenticeship?”

-“What’s to be left in a casket?”

-Aspirator line rupture!

-“Getting paid, scheduling overlap! Will the officiant show up, disease, purge, leakage, restorative art, family feuds, musicians, newspaper deadlines for obits, paperwork delays, permits, pall bearers, and paying my bills.”

-“Cancer causing embalming fumes, needle pricks, tissue gas, and my bad back!”

-“I mostly worry about the family and their complete satisfaction of my service. The reputation of our funeral home and how my life depends on it. Shrinking profits due to the growing trend of direct cremation.”

Cremation is the Solution

Some Worry of a Zombie Apocalypse

-“Picking up the wrong body, cremating the wrong body, making a wrong turn leading a funeral procession, catching a disease, the strength of the bottom of these new cheap Chinese caskets as we carry the 300lb dude up the church steps. Hope the handles don’t tear off.”

-“I worry about the fat guy in the bathtub on the second floor and the narrow staircase. The neighbors noticed the mail was building up and then they noticed an unusual smell!”

I hope that when the general public reads this that they will appreciate the dedication and respect that funeral directors across the world provide to the deceased and their family members. It’s not an easy life and demands a personal commitment that many professionals could not begin to comprehend. They help people through one of life’s biggest challenges. Their customers are distraught and demanding. Even people that are normally relaxed and easy going can become sensitized as they grieve. In a business where everything is in the details, absolute perfection can be an extreme challenge. Thank God the funeral directors are experts in getting all of the details just right!

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Mass Grief… When The World is at a Loss

“Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
Plenty of room at the Hotel California
Any time of year (Any time of year)
You can find it here.” — “Hotel California” by Glenn Frey, Don Felder and Don Henley, 1976 (“Record of the Year”)

Rock Stars DeadDavid Bowie! Scott Weiland! Glenn Frey! Lemmy Kilmister! Paul Kantner! Dale Griffin (from Mott the Hoople)! What a couple of weeks this has been! It seems as if all of the Rock stars of our youth are dying all of a sudden. I did not know a single one of them, but it’s been a tough time for me nonetheless! I’m living proof of what is commonly called mass grief. Music is such a big part of my life and when someone like David Bowie dies, a man whose art has influenced or been the anthem to so many parts of my life, I truly feel the pain of loss. It’s a deeply personal feeling, even though I never met the man. I know that I’m not alone, that I share my pain with millions of other fans.

What is mass grief?

Death in Our Eyes

When We All Stare Death in The Eye

Mass grief is not a new phenomenon. Which of us raised in the 1960s cannot tell you exactly where we were and what we were doing when President Kennedy was shot, or more recently, when Princess Diana was killed? Though we’d never met these people, they still had a big impact on our lives and how we viewed the world. While more than 2,000 Americans die on an average day, it is these larger-than-life musicians, actors, politicians and celebrities that tug at our hearts.

So intense was the grief following Princess Diana’s death that the phenomenon of mass grief has taken the moniker, the “Diana Syndrome.” These feelings of grief, sometimes also called “mourning sickness,” are very real and very common. In our 24/7 mass media news society, it’s easy to feel like we know celebrities personally since we see and read about their daily activities. Sometimes, we know more about these celebrities than we do members of our own extended family. It is no wonder that we mourn their passing?

Rock FuneralsAnother aspect of mass grief is that it brings to mind our own mortality. If a larger-than-life person like David Bowie or Princess Diana can die, we realize it could happen to us, too. While we all understand that death is inevitable, most people prefer to push that fact well away from their daily thoughts. A celebrity death takes that basic part of life out of the closet and forces us to examine it a little too closely. In addition, while those closest to the celebrity can witness that person’s decline and start preparing for their death, fans are often caught unaware. The celebrity’s death is often the first indication that fans have that the person was even ill. That was the case with all of the deaths these past few weeks.

Funeral FlowersMass grief manifests itself in a number of ways. Make-shift memorials pop up outside the celebrity’s home or near other locations that were important to that person. People leave flowers, candles, personal notes and other mementoes, the same type of items they would send to a funeral of a friend or family member. The memorial for Princess Diana outside of her home, Kensington Palace, extended for several city blocks and grew taller than a man. Those in London at the time reported that the entire city smelled like a florist shop.

Mass grief also leads people to post memorials on social media sites like Facebook and Twitter. Millions of posts about David Bowie’s passing and his life started appearing within minutes of the news of his death.

There’s nothing to be ashamed of if you’re feeling grief over the passing of someone you’ve never met, such as a musician or movie star. Everyone experiences grief in a unique way. According to David Kaplan, chief professional officer of the American Counseling Association, “there’s no one ‘right’ way to grieve.” Just because you’re mourning a person whom you’ve never met doesn’t make those feelings any less valid. Kaplan goes on to explain that people “have a tendency to compartmentalize grief and say that we should grieve a certain way depending on the person. But grief is grief and people act in very individual ways.” In many ways, the term “mass grief” is a misnomer. This type of grief can be as poignant, as personal, as individual and as deeply-seeded as any other type of grief.

As for the naysayers, grief experts, including Kaplan, advise ignoring them. For some reason, people who would never think of going to a funeral and belittling the people attending the ceremony for their expressions of grief think nothing of leaving disparaging comments on grieving social media posts about the death of a public figure.

Mass grief also often contains a feeling of loss of control. After all, if David Bowie or Princess Diana or John Lennon was susceptible to cancer, to an auto accident, to random violence…the logic goes, so are we. Not a comfortable thought for most of us.

Why are the deaths of musicians so poignant?

"Music is in Our Souls"

“Music is in Our Souls”

Music provides the backdrop for our lives. Hear a certain song and you’re instantly taken back to the time when you first heard it. Hear the song that was playing when you first met your spouse or attended your first prom or sang your first lullaby to your child and you relive the emotions of that earlier, special time. Popular music has a way of finding its way into our souls. Consider the soundtracks to popular movies and the emotions they evoke. Music changes the way we feel about ourselves, the way we view our relationships with others and even our opinions. The lyrics of talented songwriters, such as Frey and Bowie, help to articulate our feelings when we, less talented mortals, are unable to. How many times have you felt that a song was written with your specific life situation in mind? Such experiences create a deep personal bond with the songwriter and musician. Is it any wonder that we mourn?

When a musician dies, we not only lose the person, but we feel the loss of songs that will never be written, albums that will never be released and concerts that we’ll never be able to attend. That body of work we previously saw extending for years and years in the future is suddenly finite. To realize that we’ve already heard all of the songs that a favorite artist will produce is reason alone to grieve.

Saying goodbye to fans

dead-fair-thee-wellSome artists recognize the impact their music has had on fans and, when they know they are dying, plan for that final farewell. David Bowie knew his time was limited. He also understood how our society diminishes the dying. Instead of succumbing to that standard, he kept his illness private and worked on leaving a final, parting set of tracks as a goodbye to his fans and, perhaps, to help further the discussion about end-of-life choices. That he, at such a deeply personal time, would be thinking of his fans shows that, at least for Bowie, that the relationship between artist and listener is not just a one-way street.

Sometimes public figures are buried with a massive funeral and burial rite. Look at Princess Diana’s service at Westminster Abbey that was attended by hundreds inside the church and thousands just outside. More often, there is no official final rite or that service is (understandably) limited to just family and very close friends. Because of that void, often other performers jump in to put on memorial concerts or other events to help fans work through their grief. For instance, although there is no public funeral for David Bowie, his fellow musicians are hosting a memorial concert at Carnegie Hall on March 31 and April 1. Among the performers slated to appear are Cyndi Lauper, Ann Wilson (of Heart) and Jakob Dylan. Carnegie Hall is a fitting venue for the Bowie tribute as it was one of the stops on Bowie’s first U.S. tour in 1972.

When a Concert is a Funeral For a Band!

When a Concert is a Funeral For a Band!

In other cases, artists release a final album as their own tribute or gift to their fans. This is what Mr Bowie did releasing the album, “Blackstar” just three days before his passing. Another good example is Warren Zevon’s final album, “My Ride is Here.” Like funerals, these final works of art are a final gift to survivors, a way to help fans process their grief.

You can even say that when a band breaks up, the emotions felt are similar to a death. How many people are still grieving the breakup of the Beatles or the Grateful Dead? Aware of this, many artists plan a final tour or last big concert to punctuate the end of their era as a band and help fans get over the void left by the members going their separate ways. A good example is when “The Band” played their final “Last Waltz” concerts or the Grateful Dead, always more of a performance band than a studio band, spent their last summer together touring the United States.

Tips for dealing with mass grief

In many ways, dealing with mass grief is no different from dealing with the grief of losing someone who was a close friend or family member.

1. Don’t discount your feelings. As we mentioned above, don’t dismiss your feelings of sadness and grief simply because you never met the person who died. Experts recommend examining the emotions that the death of a celebrity evoke in you.

2. Seek professional help if needed. Grief is a natural process. However, when sadness gets in the way of your day-to-day responsibilities and enjoyment of life, it’s time to seek help…even for mass grief. This is especially true in cases where the celebrity took his or her own life. Studies have shown that a celebrity suicide increases the risk of self-harm in others.

3. Find an outlet for your feelings. Keeping your feelings of grief over a celebrity’s passing to yourself only succeeds in prolonging the intensity of that grief. Better to share your feelings with others, in person, via social media or by calling a grief hotline in your area. Witness the thousands of people who shared their favorite Bowie song via Facebook in the days following his passing. You might even want to organize your own mini-memorial with friends, such as a watch party of a dead actor’s top films or a listening party of your favorite albums from a dead musician.

4. Look for tangible reminders of the celebrity. Another way to process the grief over the death of a celebrity is to seek some tangible reminders of that person’s work. That’s one of the reasons that music, books and memorabilia of a recently-dead celebrity often experience a huge surge in sales. Listening to or reading about the life of the deceased can help you to clarify your feelings about their death.

The bottom line

Black StarUltimately, grief at a celebrity’s passing is natural, especially the death of someone who has been covered extensively in the news and social media. Although we’ve never met him or her, we understandably feel a kinship towards at least their public personna. Such grief requires processing. Kudos to artists like Bowie who make that process a little easier by leaving a “final act” like “Blackstar.”

Bowie once said, “I think aging (sic) is an extraordinary process whereby you become the person that you always should have been.” …to which we respond, “YES!”

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Living Funerals…The Party of a Lifetime

You'll Never Know

You’ll Never Know What They Said About You

When most people think of funerals, they think of family and friends standing around a casket, dressed in black, with tissues in their hands, feeling bad about what they might have said or failed to say to the person who died while he or she was living. Certainly, the majority of end-of-life events include some sort of memorial service. However, there is a growing trend towards celebrating a person’s life with a living funeral.

What is a living funeral?

A living funeral, also called a life celebration, is a chance to rejoice in a person’s life while they are still around to share your stories and enjoy the gathering of friends and family. Such an event can be as simple as an afternoon tea for those closest to you or as elaborate as a big, society wedding reception. Unlike traditional funerals time will be on your side and you will be able to take the time to carefully plan an appropriate final act. Living funerals also allow the guest of honor to be involved in the planning as well as experience the love and support of those their lives.

One of the most poignant and talked about holiday commercials this season comes from Germany and shows an aging grandfather putting out the word of his own (premature) demise after being told by various family members that they don’t have time to travel to see him for a holiday dinner. When the family DOES gather for his supposed funeral, he surprises them by being alive and hosting that dinner they were all too busy to attend. When asked why he pulled such a stunt, he replied that it was the only way for him to get everyone together. The last frame shows them all eating and enjoying one another’s company. Such is the logic of a living funeral.

Watch the commercial here.

Others will remember the book “Tuesdays with Morrie” by Mitch Albom (and the Oprah Winfrey-produced movie by the same name.) In this real-life story, Morrie Schwartz, who was in his 80s and dying from Lou Gehrig’s disease, attends a friend’s funeral and is saddened to realize that his friend will never get to hear all of the nice thing people are saying about him or hear their stories. When Morrie returns home, he starts planning his own living funeral, complete with a gospel choir.

My friend Ray

My first experience with a living funeral was in June 2012 when my good friend Ray invited me to his “Birthday Party.” Ray was battling cancer, and I’m pretty sure he knew it was going to be his last birthday party. Ray had never heard of a living funeral. However, he knew that he wanted to have a party with all his friends and this was his way of doing it. He rented a pavilion in our hometown park in Oyster Bay, New York. He hired a great band band. (Ray loved live music). He called the caterers and he had the grills going with some of his favorite foods. It was great, far better then any funeral could have been! Yet, in a very real way, it WAS Ray’s funeral, his goodbye present to us.

There was no formal ceremony at Ray’s “birthday party” except for a couple announcements and, of course, the happy birthday song that made it hard for me to hold back my tears. (I wasn’t alone.) Ray brought out years of scrap books and shared some stories with us.

Ray in His Element

Ray in His Element

I had to laugh when I noticed Ray surrounded by girl friends including his wife Deb all huddled together, looking at pictures. Ray looked up at me and gave me that “yep I’m the man look.” (Ray was a stud). Shortly after the party health permitting Ray took some trips and experienced as much life and friendships as he could. I gave him a good book on funeral planning that day and offered my experience. Looking back, I think he already had made his funeral plans and he never mentioned the book. His wife didn’t even know about it. Funeral planning may be my profession, but Ray was way ahead of me.

Planning your living funeral

There are many different ways you can host a living funeral. In fact, there’s really NO wrong way to do it. You can sneak it in, disguised as another type of event like Ray did, or you can call it exactly what it is–a chance to say goodbye and celebrate a life well lived.

A living funeral doesn’t have to replace a traditional funeral and it probably shouldn’t. They both serve separate purposes. Even after a great living funeral, there is still a need for ceremony, ritual, closure and to say one last goodbye. Ray died later that same year we had gathered for the birthday party, and he had a pretty good traditional funeral as well, although it was a lot sadder than the birthday party. After the funeral, we all went to the restaurant Ray had picked and he threw us one last party on him.

Timing is Everything

Timing is Everything

1. Choosing the right time. Choosing the right time to have a living funeral can be a little tricky. Ideally, you want the guest of honor to be healthy enough physically and mentally to understand and enjoy the event. However, you don’t want it to be like celebrity autobiographies, where you have a new one every five or ten years. If a person is old enough or infirm enough that his or her life expectancy is uncertain, celebrating now is a good idea.

2. Finding a good location. Like a wedding or a graduation party, you want to find a place that is meaningful to the guest of honor, can accommodate the number of people you expect to attend and be appropriate for the weather. Unlike traditional funerals, there are no taboos to living funeral locales. Beaches, amusement parks, theaters, ball parks, party centers, parks, even bars are all acceptable venues.

3. Who should officiate? If you are going to have a ceremony, where friends and family share their favorite stories about the guest of honor, you may want to have someone officiate to keep the pace going smoothly and to add some structure. Since a living funeral isn’t a church rite, you don’t have to have a priest, minister or rabbi (although you could.) One popular trend in living funerals is to hire a celebrant to officiate. In the popular vernacular, a celebrant is someone who following an interview process, writes and officiates at a non-religious funeral or memorial ceremonies. In most funerals that use a celebrant (instead of a member of the clergy), the emphasis of the ceremony is on the person, his or her life and his or her achievements without the scriptures, homilies and communion associated with a religious ceremony. Such a format is naturally well-suited for a living funeral.

4. Should you have a ceremony? The choice to have a formal ceremony at the living funeral is a personal one. The event can be a glorified party, as was Ray’s birthday bash, or be a more solemn affair, as you might have for an octogenarian like Morrie Schwartz, with friends and family members sharing their favorite memories and anecdotes. It’s unlikely that any two living funerals will ever be alike.

Funeral Food5. What about food? Food is optional at a living funeral, but sharing even desserts or a light meal can help to put people at ease. If you don’t want the expense of a caterer, it’s appropriate to ask those attending to bring a dish they’ve made for the guest of honor or to simply bake (or buy) a plate of cookies. Obviously, the time of year and the venue will also influence your decisions about food. “Breaking bread” is a time-honored way for friends and family to stay close.

6. Picking appropriate music. Music, too, is optional, but can I highly recommend it to help set the tone and mood of the event. Choosing the guest of honor’s favorite band or genre of music is never wrong. You can also bring in local musicians, such as a bluegrass trio or classical quartet. If you are having a formal ceremony, a soloist can be used to break up the speakers.

Some Ideas For Sharing Your Life

  • Things to put on display like: Photos or a memorial video with highlights of life, Family tree graphic, Diplomas, Awards or trophies, uniforms resumes and titles held.
  • Hobbies stuff, Sport memorabilia, Projects and creations like art.
  • Invitations, Who will officiate, Speakers, organizers, ushers, program handouts, musicians or DJ.
  • Decor, seating, tables, restrooms, parking, handicap access and assistance, the influence of weather on your selected location.


Getting started with your living funeral

Living FuneralYou don’t have to be a skilled party planner to organize an enjoyable and memorable living funeral. Increasingly, traditional funeral directors are offering these types of events as well as their traditional funeral services. Hospice facilities are also embracing the concept of living funerals as part of their breath of services that aid in the transition between life and death. Hospice workers know that terminal illnesses often isolate people from their usual social contacts and routines. A good ritual, especially one centered around that person like a living funeral, can help to shatter that isolated feeling. Far from being depressing, a living funeral can actually help a sick person feel more connected to his or her friends. Like any funeral or memorial, a living funeral is truly an unselfish gift that is very important to the one’s we love. This is also an opportunity to showcase your loves, frame your life and cement your legacy!

My friend Ray was the most generous and thoughtful person I have ever met. I am virtually certain that he had never heard the term “living funeral” when he planned his birthday party. However, he didn’t need to know about “living funerals” to know that he (and his friends) needed one. He just did what he always did and thought about the needs of the people closest to him. That was Ray, he had good instincts. I dedicate this article to my good friend Ray Sullivan… Miss You Buddy.

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New Years Resolution For Funeral Directors… Listen!

Funeral Planning

Stating The Options is Not Listening

Most funeral directors know that one of the most important traits that someone in the funeral industry can possess is being a good listener. The problem is that most of us are so busy talking that we forget to really engage in listening. However, superior listening skills are essential to being a good, effective and compassionate funeral director. At a time when grief hampers the communication skills of most clients, being able to determine what a person is truly saying and truly wants is crucial. There is a lot of information being shared when funeral arrangements are being made. We need to not only be good listeners but also be able to create a trusting environment that stimulates the important conversations that need to take place. Fortunately, good listening skills can be learned.

The basics of good listening skills

ListeningBeing an effective listener is a skill, just like reading or writing good letters. Some of the tenets of being a good listener include…

1. Assume everyone has something interesting to say. Everyone who is truly speaking from their heart has interesting and thought-provoking things to share, maintains Nancy Kline in her book, “Time to Think.” Throw aside any assumptions or pre-conceived opinions based on a person’s dress, age or address.

2. Create conditions that are right for listening…and sharing. The best conditions for sharing information (and for listening) are situations where there is little tension. Such spaces are quiet, gentle and unhurried. For funeral directors and their staff, this means creating a peaceful oasis where you can meet clients as well as leaving your phone and other electronic devices behind in your office. You might also want to have soothing music playing and a calm décor, even a scented candle burning can help. Allow more time than you think you might need. You don’t want to be fidgeting or looking at your watch while you are trying to listen. These actions all hinder good listening and good sharing. The family you are serving should feel like they only family you are serving when handling funeral arrangments.

Pay Attention3. Pay attention. This may sound obvious, but too many times we are busy thinking about what we have to do next or what we are going to say in return that we miss a large part of what a person is saying to us. On average, only 20 percent of what we hear makes it into our short term memory! No wonder effective communication is so tricky.

Another interesting thing happens when we pay attention, according to Kline–the person speaking enunciates more clearly and organizes his or her thoughts more succinctly. In short, the better we listen, the better they speak and the better we communicate. The logic is simple; when our thoughts wander and we pay poor attention, the speaker starts to feel like they aren’t valued and what they are saying isn’t important. They become self-conscious, hampering their communication skills. In the funeral industry, where many of the people we speak with are already stressed by grief, paying attention is especially important.

Paying attention also means no interrupting and not finishing the other person’s sentences. As a funeral director, it also means waiting until the person has finished what they intended to say before offering advice. Be prepared to ask pointed questions and converse about everyday things that will open doors that might not otherwise open. Many people are usually private about their family and loved one’s. Building trust and getting people to understand that to make a funeral as special and unique as the life lived, we need and have this one chance to make a funeral personal. Too often, we are tempted to pigeon-hole a client into a funeral plan we’ve used many times before…whether or not that’s what the client wants. Today more then ever the easy way is not the way when it comes to meaningful funerals. Using the services of a certified funeral Celebrant will also help create a more personalized and meaningful funeral or memorial, because Celebrants are more trained to draw out and capture the kind of information that can be used in a more personal ceremony. Clergy does not usually use such an extensive interview process and some do not meet with the family at all. It just kills me when the clergy will read the obituary as part of the ceremony (Huge Fail).

4. Don’t think for the speaker. Helping people doesn’t always mean thinking for them. You might assume that since you are the funeral expert and they are coming to you for help that it’s up to you to decide what’s best for them. A better plan of action is to hear them out. Often customers will tell you what the best solution to their perceived problems are if you wait for them to finish talking and not jump right in with your perfect “solution.” In general, advises Kline, people are more apt to be happy with the outcome if they arrive at the solution themselves than when you tell them what they should do.

Are women better listeners?

Women Funeral DirectorsPop culture has maintained for years that women are better listeners than men. How many jokes have you heard where the wife exclaims, “You just don’t listen to me” to her husband? There is actually some valid science behind this claim. It seems that men and women process language and communication differently. Men listen with half of their brain, while women engage their entire brain while listening. The jury is out whether that finding makes women better at listening. However, if you have a female on your staff, you might want to include adding interviews with prospective clients to her job description. According to at least one study, women ARE more empathetic than men.

Listening to the generations

The listening skills that have worked well for you over the years in your business may not be the ones that will serve you well in the future. Increasingly, we are dealing with members of the large baby boomer generation as their elderly parents begin to pass away. Soon, it will be their children (and grandchildren) with whom will be talking about end-of-life arrangements. These younger clients are more direct and less patient, in general, and will require us to have additional listening skills to be the best funeral service providers we can be.

  • Listening to Baby Boomers. The Baby Boomer generation (those born between 1946 and 1964) are currently in the midst of making end-of-life arrangements for their parents as well as pre-planning their own funerals. This is an independent generation who are used to doing things their own way. They want funerals to be more personalized, to be more life celebrations and less somber affairs. This generation is more apt to break the traditional funeral “norms” and opt for things like contemporary music, a celebrant instead of a priest and a beach setting instead of a church. This group is also embracing more enthusiastically the concept of pre-planning their own funerals. With more than 76 million Baby Boomers in the United States (one quarter of the US population), this could become a very lucrative market for those in the funeral industry. Given this generation’s need for customization, good listening skills will be more important than ever.
  • Listening to Millennials. Millennials are those born in the 1980s through the early 21st century. In many cases, these are the children of Baby Boomers. Unlike their parents, these consumers are much more technology-oriented. For funeral directors, that may mean being able to communicate with them via Skype or Facetime rather than in person. This group is also more likely to prefer texts to phone calls. However, changing the technology doesn’t mean that you can stop listening. You just have to adjust your approach to make them feel the most comfortable. One additional caveat about this group: ignore them at your peril. While taking the wrong approach or not listening to a Baby Boomer may lose you a client, ignoring a Millennial will also lose you their friends and their social contacts. This generation is much more social and much more willing to share their positive (and negative) experiences than their parents.

The bottom line

As we approach the end of the year and the beginning of 2016, now is a great time to evaluate your listening skills and see where there might be room for improvement. As our clientele shifts to include younger generations, the future of our businesses may just depend on it.


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Holiday Grief … Some Helpful Tips

These Can Be Hard Times For Some

These Can Be Hard Times For Some

Grief is inevitable in life, and unfortunately, it doesn’t take a break just because the holidays are coming. In fact happy cheery holiday time can be even harder to keep grief in check. Despite grief not taking a holiday, there are ways to cope with it. And fortunately for some, the busyness of the holidays takes their mind off of other issues going in life. If not these tips might be helpful in having a slightly better holiday.

Reevaluate Holiday Tasks

If grandpa recently passed and he was the one who carved the turkey, you’ll need to figure out who should continue the tradition. In some instances, you may want just to discontinue a tradition if it isn’t something completely necessary. Having to carry on a tradition that reminds you of a deceased loved one may make the holidays even harder. Therefore, you should ask yourself if a tradition is necessary and if you want to carry it on for future generations. Always keep in mind that children aren’t as emotionally involved when a person passes due to their lack of understanding and time invested in a relationship cut short, but they may care about the traditions that surrounded the holidays.

Stay Busy

While you may feel like you’d rather curl up in a ball and hibernate the holidays away, this will only make matters worse. If grief just happened, you need to find ways to occupy your time. This may include shopping, working or cleaning your home. Many people find cleaning, as an excellent stress relief, and your house will reap the benefit. Another option to occupy your time during the holidays is to work. Many people need to take time off in order to complete the tasks they need done or to spend with family. Therefore, there are many opportunities for you to offer to take their shift and pick up some overtime. Plus, in the retail and hospitality fields, everything gets busier during the holidays, so there are more opportunities for overtime anyways. Don’t hesitate to look for opportunities outside of your regular job such as dressing up like Santa or other seasonal positions. Another option is to volunteer. Not only will you occupy your time, but you’ll also be helping others, which will make you feel better and heal yourself.

Invite Someone New For the Holidays

Other people are lonely on the holidays and would love to have someone to spend the day with. If you have a friend who doesn’t have anywhere to go, invite them to your holiday event. You’ll feel better knowing you helped someone else feel less alone.

It’s Okay to Grieve

You May Want to Avoid the Cheer. Alcohol is a Depressant!

You May Want to Avoid the Cheer. Alcohol is a Depressant!

Don’t feel like you have to put on a smile for the holidays even if you don’t want to. If you’re absolutely not up to going to a holiday gathering, it’s okay to say no. Take time for yourself to grieve and to accept what happened. People will understand if you have to say no to hosting the bake sale you do every holiday season. On the other hand, you could ask other people to help you, so you don’t have a full workload on top of the pain you’re feeling. Always remember that you need to do what’s best for you to cope with grief. You don’t need to hide your emotions and take on something you’re truly not comfortable with. However, you may not want to cancel the holidays totally if other people count on you for being around during this time. On the other hand, if you’re completely not up for it, those who love you will be understanding.

Allow Yourself Time to Be Happy

You don’t have to spend the next month crying or being depressed. It’s okay to enjoy the holidays even if there’s grief going on around you. You can take time to grieve because it’s necessary, but make sure you open yourself up to allow for fun and joy during the holidays. Hard times don’t have to mean perpetual misery.

Any Emotion is Okay

Everybody handles grief differently; so don’t beat yourself up for the way you feel. Go ahead and get angry. Feel free to spend time crying and letting out your sadness. And if you’re one of those people who cope by placing your feelings on the back burner and continuing with life, don’t feel like it’s wrong.

Talk to Family and Friends

People are out there who care about you including your friends and family. Even if you don’t need to talk to them to cope with the grief, give them a call just to talk and feel close to someone. Schedule an outing with them. It may be comforting to have someone around during the holidays, especially if you’re feeling lonely and empty due to a recent loss.

Holidays Are for Children

Santa Claus is meant to bring joy to children. Just because you might not fully be into the holidays, remember that your kids, nieces, nephews and other tots in your life look forward to the season for the joy it brings. Focus on the children and the happiness you can bring to them. You might not feel up for having a cup of cheer yourself, but making sure the kids have a good holiday will bring a bit of happiness your way. And it can take your mind off of the pain you’re feeling.

Schedule Time for Yourself

Even if you’re dreading the holiday season, it will make it more tolerable by planning time for yourself. Have a spa day after you’re done shopping or go out for a drink with a friend after a long day at work. Maybe you’d prefer just taking a long, hot bath and enjoying a good book.

Create a New Tradition

Holiday TraditionsYou don’t have to keep every tradition the same. It might be comforting to do something entirely different or to do something in your loved one’s memory.

Although you can’t change what you feel, you may be able to make it more manageable with these tips. Never feel like you’re alone in the grief you feel during the holidays. Surround yourself with those you care about or contact a support line to talk.

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Holding Space For The Dying

Holding SpaceA person dying is in need of a special kind of care. Providing care to the dying can be a trying yet rewarding experience. Knowing what to do for a dying loved one can make all the difference. When faced with being “the one” responsible for over seeing and providing special care, it is important and healthy for all to understand the coming challenges and put your ego aside. If you know anyone who is experiencing such a thing, one way you can help such a person is by holding space. This concept, however, is not well understood. So what does holding space mean?

It means that you are willing and ready to walk alongside another person in whatever journey they are on without judging them, trying to fix them, making them feel inadequate or attempting to impact the outcome whatever they might be going through. When you hold space for other people, you open your heart, offer unconditional support, and let go of any judgment and control. It means that you will be by their side.

You are simply with it entirely so that it can work itself out. You have to take caution here. That does not mean becoming a victim of it, quite on the contrary. You are very powerful in this space, and it does not mean being hurt physically by another person. When you are deep in an area like this, you are way more immune to any “emotional” harm than you might be aware of. Taking in so much of emotional hurt just ends up bruising the ego; it involves taking what someone else is saying about you or someone close to you personally. But the odd thing about all that is, what most people say about us is a mere reflection of themselves. It is not personal. And while we do not turn a blind eye to everything other people might be saying, we start to comprehend just how much of an illusion everyone else is trapped in. In the end you will feel honored that you were trusted to share in the in this reflective end stage of life.

Walking The Line

Walking The Line

Holding space can be a lot of hard work. You are bound to experience a cocktail of emotions from the person you are holding the space for. For instance, for the first time that you are holding space, you might be non-reactive to a lover’s outburst or a co-dependent friend’s tears, and they may then think that you do not care, which is obviously far from it. In hindsight, you are caring more about them than ever before since you are not feeding their emotional issues and making them worse. If anything, they now have to check their emotional mess and own up to it because you are holding space as is opposed to rolling around in this emotional debris with them. To begin with, that can be intensely uncomfortable for the other person. On the other side, it can also be trans-formative as well. It is always up to the other person in that equation to decide on what results from it. You can only own your pieces of the puzzle and what you do with them. You may want to explain to the other person what and why you’re handling thing the way you do. It might be appreciated by the other person that you not to butt in his or her life and try to run it.

No Directions at The Cross Roads of Life

No Directions at The Cross Roads of Life

It goes in many different directions, but it is always an enlightening experience in more ways than one though it can be a little bit uncomfortable to begin with. It may mean the end of some relationships that do not want to evolve. You have to have in mind that some people are just happy living in the filth of their misery. But at the same time, they still desire to go back home and complain about what the universe is doing to them, to their ideas, and even to their spiritual practices. If you do not join in with that negativity, they can get upset and leave you. And you may have to be just as comfortable with that result, the same way you would have to be with the positive outcome that brings relationships and friendships closer.

Providing Direction....

Providing Direction….

Holding space is, however, not flawless, especially if you are doing it for the first time. You may struggle with some aspects if the entire thing. Do not worry, it is allowed. We are always learning from our mistakes, right? To get started, I would suggest that you practice. There is a reason that people say “practice makes perfect.” It is because that has been proven to work. First, identify a person with whom you can practice with. You can take turns where one talks while the other listens. That is a practice about how you can be open-hearted and without judgment when the worst is said about you as well as when the best is said about you.

For the most of that process, you will just be listening to people talk about their pain. Then you see how you can be with it. You should check what comes up inside of you, and then discuss it with your listening partner. If you do not feel comfortable talking about it, you can journal it. That is a powerful practice that you can use to develop awareness, so that you can be with more people, understand what people share. You can help them find their inner peace and trust that the situation is going to happen, as it should.

Be real and be sure to discuss the importance of planning beyond the end of life. Helping or just checking to see if funeral plans are discussed and planned in a way that reflect on one’s true legacy while giving the gift to survivors of a well planned funeral.

  • Guide them without offering them the answers. A real space holder knows when the right time to provide guidance is and when to withhold it. It is not about you trying to fix their situation as far as post life decisions are concerned. Be sure they understand their options and provide the advice of experts like financial planners and funeral directors as well as spiritual guidance. It is better if they found the solutions by themselves after you have guided them to the advise of experts when necessary.
  • Provide a safe container for them to make mistakes. As they try to fix their issues by themselves, you have to understand that they are bound to make mistakes. Yours is to provide the space for errors.
  • Let them draw their own conclusions. Allow them to feel whatever they feel, without judgment. Remain neutral no matter what end of life decisions they make like estate planning or funeral arrangements.

Thank You Heather Plett for your words of wisdom in contributing to this important topic.

  • End of Life Planning
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From Ashes Comes Art

Ashes in glass

From Ashes Comes Art

Grief over the loss of a loved one can be a life-changing experience. In most cases, people may cease crying or even get used to a new life routine, but they never stop missing their loved one who has passed on. Cremation glass urns and keepsakes help people feel close to their lost loved ones in a way that is uniquely beautiful and incredibly comforting. Cremation Solutions offers glass memorial art that features a small amount of a loved one’s ashes that have been carefully incorporated into the glass during the production process. The result is an eye-catching work of art that can forever remind you that the essence of your beloved family member or pet is always close.

Ashes into Art

History is associated with various rituals and practices associated with the use of memorial ashes. Some family members prefer to keep their loved one’s ashes in tradition urns in their home. Others choose to bury their loved one’s ashes or scatter them at a location that was special to their loved one. In recent years, families have opted to transform some of their loved one’s ash into an imaginative work of glass art where their loved one’s ash may be seen swirling within the glass itself. These extraordinary keepsakes offer families a dynamic way to marry the essence of a loved one with a custom-made glass object that can be placed in mantles or even bedroom nightstands.

Creating a Custom Glass Keepsake

Enduring Fountain

Enduring Fountain

Cremation Solutions offers a myriad of memorial glass art styles. Once a customer decides on a style and color for their glass urn or keepsake, they contact the company. At this point, Cremation Solutions will send out a special kit that informs that customer how much ash is needed to showcase in their glass art. All ash is kept strictly separate, so customers need never worry about any mingling of ash during the entire process. Any extra ash will be securely returned along with the complete glass art.

Life Galaxy



To create the beautiful glass orbs and sculptural glass memorials, Cremation Solutions works with a team of highly skilled glass artisans and artists, one of whom will be creating your custom artwork. During the creation process, glass artists will hand-blow your orb or other selected glass keepsake and carefully infuse it with your loved one’s ashes. During the process, temperatures run extremely high—higher even than the cremation process. The result is that the carbon is burned off the ashes so that they turn a breathtaking white, which can be seen swirling within the glass itself. Once the object is completed, the artisan will allow it to cool, which takes anywhere from 12-48 hours, depending on what size object you’ve commissioned.

Selecting Your Glass Urn or Keepsake Style

Cremation Solutions offers more than forty different styles for customers to select from when commissioning a glass orb or glass keepsake memorial. Styles are available in recycled as well as non-recycled glass. The recycled glass orbs will be created in emerald green, as these are made from 100% recycled glass from wine and beer bottles. Non-recycled glass memorial art objects can feature other colors like jewel tones available in shades of amethyst, ruby, sapphire, and many more.

Glass art from ashes

Glass Flowers For Giving…

Customers can specify their color of choice for any of the presented styles. Cremation Solutions offers sculptural shapes like glass ornaments, flower stems, hearts, and icicle shapes even turtles and frogs. They also feature orbs and fountain-style glass objects. If selecting a style is difficult, talk to other family members or close friends of your loved one. The customer representatives at Cremation Solutions are also extremely helpful and can offer some advice to help you finalize your selection.

Once you do settle on your custom art object, you can be assured of the care and skilled workmanship that goes into every glass work. Unlike other forms of art that may fall in and out of fashion, these objects are true heirlooms that offer a timeless memorial to someone special and dear to you. Our customers report how comforted they feel once their glass art arrives and they can display it where it can offer solace and remind them that some wonderful essence of their loved one is still with them.

Our Featured Glass Sculptural Memorials

Ashes made into a turtle

A Sculpture Representative of The Cycle of Life…

We invite customers to spend time viewing our custom glass remembrances. Each presented style is one you might choose to memorialize the ashes of your loved one or even beloved pet. Our fountain styles our available in two sizes; one stands 4 inches high and the other stands 5.5 inches high. These elegant glassworks have the look of vintage hand-blown paperweights that can be featured in glass hutch or even placed on your desk so that it’s there with you whenever you sit down to work.


We also offer breathtaking flame art glass that makes for a dramatic display of hand-blown glass and ash. These objects showcase the tremendous skill of our team of artisans. Our glass orbs and hearts are also popular shapes to consider. Within these figural objects, the ashes are enveloped in their center. Our Timeless Sphere Ornament Collection features ornaments that can be hung in windows

or anywhere you want to show off their beauty.We even figure animals shapes like frogs and turtles that are simply stunning and perfect for families whose loved one enjoyed nature. Be sure to see our figural flower stems that are truly breathtaking memorials. In the end, we want you to choose the style that is right for you and your family. We also feature mahogany bases that are outfitted with LED lights—perfect for displaying your custom art glass memorial.

Glass Encasements

Objects of Meaning Can be Preserved in Glass




Be sure to contact Cremation Solutions for help selecting your glass urn or keepsake or if you have any questions about the ordering process or glass-making process. We’ve tried to keep our ordering platform simple and streamlined, but we want you to contact us if you have questions regarding any aspect of your custom glass creation. We’re here to assist you in any way we can!

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